Contrarian Thinking & Being Yourself

“You’re such a contrarian”, a friend of mine gleefully exclaimed with a cackle.

With a wry smile I retorted “Well I consider myself to be a sentient being actually, although yes, I do have a tendency to think in a contrarian way”

Before I continue, let’s be clear what contrarian means. The etymology of the word is “to contradict, and be in opposition to prevailing opinions, or the shibboleths (commonplace sayings or ideas) of the majority.”

I first heard the word from the mouth of my mother. She would bark things like “why do you have to be so contrarian?!” I also remember her remarking that she wasn’t sure where I came from, because I was so different to the rest of the family. My father suggested, without jest, that maybe I was an alien. Quite the recipe for an identity crisis, if ever there was one.

When I went to school, I found the whole experience rather traumatic. For a start, I got bullied a lot. I guess being rather awkward and covered in eczema made me an easy target. This took the shine off for sure. However, I also had little interest in sitting still at a desk for hours on end, memorising information and asking permission to go to the bathroom.  On the whole, I found the school experience rather boring, restrictive, and pointless.

That said, I did enjoy the creative stuff … art, cooking, woodwork, and chemistry; mainly the practical experiment parts, using the bunsen burner (remember those?!) and concocting potions. Maybe I really was a witch in a former life, as a Mexican shaman recently told me.

Every “parents day” was the same … “Laura has lots of potential, if only she would apply herself more and do as she’s told”

And that’s it, right there … the insidious idea that to be “good” and accepted, we have to conform and do as we’re told.

In school and college/university, we generally aren’t taught things which will actually help us thrive in the real world, nor are we taught to question everything, or how to think critically and reach our own conclusions. This makes total sense given that the standard education system is designed to create compliant little worker bees of the future, not independent free thinkers (and entrepreneurs).

Societal and peer pressure is a powerful force. Despite feeling different and like I didn’t fit in, after school I continued to follow the path others had laid out for me … go to university (though I must admit that was rather fun), get a “good job”, and climb the corporate ladder. I suppressed my free spirit and contrarian inclinations and tried my best to fit in with the status quo. Over time, despite the promotions and pay rises, my sports car, big house and other fancy things, I became increasingly depressed as the voice of my soul grew louder, and I continued to betray it.

Then one day, I jacked it all in. I left my job, broke off my engagement, sold the house and car, started globetrotting, and eventually began working for myself. There’s a lot more to this story (and it’s a pretty wild one), however I’ll save it for another time, rather than detract from the subject at hand.

Back to my contrarian tendencies … I fervently believe this has served me well on the rollercoaster ride of entrepreneurship, and I imagine if you’re on the same ride, there's a free spirited contrarian part within you too. It's also lost me friends and family members. This often happens when you embrace who you are and show up authentically and unapologetically, however you also attract new people who are like-minded and like-hearted.

My curiosity has taken me down various “rabbit holes”, especially in recent years. This has further opened my eyes, honed my free thinking skills, and caused me to reject even more of what is considered “normal” or widely accepted as truth.

I value freedom of thought and expression. I don’t like being told what to do, or restricted in any way. I speak my mind. I don’t go along with the status quo without questioning it. And I don’t care if the majority believe it, or if so called “experts” or “authority figures” say it’s so.

Whilst I tend to counter aspects of widely accepted concepts and narratives, some of this involves fairly recent developments, so perhaps years ago I may not have been considered so contrarian, when it comes to certain matters.

I also don’t challenge the “norm” to be different or awkward (although my parents may disagree). It’s just that much of what’s accepted as truth or “normal” in our current times doesn’t fully make sense to me. Plus, I think it’s healthy and helpful for us all to challenge the status quo, ask questions and express our unique experiences and ways of seeing things. This is how we help each other to grow and evolve. I also think it's important to avoid getting deeply attached to, and defensive of, our personal views, and instead be open and tolerant to different perspectives. Nothing is permanent, and it's natural that our thinking will shift and evolve over time.

What I’m most interested in, is what's relevant, helpful and practical. I ask “does this make sense to me?”, “what does my lived experience tell me?”, “Is there some nuance here?”, “Is there a different way of looking at this?”, “how does this apply to real life?”

These days I find myself contemplating matters, such as:

Whats the root cause of stress and anxiety?

What does manifesting mean and how does it actually work?

Are “low vibe” emotions a bad thing?

What does good and bad mean anyway?

Why do we procrastinate?

Can you really think your way to success?

Why are communication skills declining?

Why are people inauthentic?

Is there such a thing as imposter syndrome?

What is happiness?

Is our ego really the enemy?

Why do we care so much what others think?

What really makes us sick?

Why do we struggle to focus?

Is there such a thing as cant?

What is perfectionism and what drives it?

Do we really need to “heal” our trauma?

Why are we so attached to money?

Why are we so serious?

Are we really in control of our future?

The list goes on.

As you may gather, I’m fascinated by humans, and in particular, why we do the things we do, and how to help people change. I love it, which is helpful because its the foundation of the work I do in service to others. And, if you don’t love what you do, why are you doing it?

More recently, I’ve also discovered another love … writing. I find it somewhat therapeutic, and a way to channel my creative energy, express myself, and formulate / refine my own thoughts and understanding of topics. Plus the most effective way to master something, is to take action and practice practice practice.

One of my current desires is to share my musings more widely, to inspire new perspectives and ways of being, and help others live a more fulfilling and enriched life. Hence the birth of this blog.

Have you ever felt like you didn’t fit in, or struggled to be yourself? Are you a free spirit, critical thinker, or a little bit contrarian?